I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
