I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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