So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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