wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
