I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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