so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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