I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
