She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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