dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
