i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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