HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You dont lie about slip and slides
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
