Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize