you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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