Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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