i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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