She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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