I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have demons in me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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