Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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