he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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