I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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