So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
