And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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