I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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