Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
