Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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