Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
