Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
