Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
