Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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