If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
