There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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