Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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