Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
