...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
