just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
