We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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