can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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