party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
