we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
...so i touched it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
