I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
