a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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