You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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