I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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