We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
