If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
