if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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