Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
