she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
