somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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