Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
