Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
