I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
