In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to stop coming to work sober
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
